Unwanted thoughts don’t go away just because you tell them to. And, resisting an unwanted thought only entangles you and drives that thought deeper into your mind, making it even more of a distraction. The only way to rid yourself of negative thoughts is to exchange them for positive thoughts.
If you are upset with your spouse and tell yourself not to be upset, you still stay tuned in to what is aggravating you, and your mood may even worsen. The solution is to transfer your attention to something else completely. When you switch to a better “mental channel,” you replace the previous, lesser “channel.” You don’t have to remain stuck on a bad program. You can change the channel.
Thoughts of discontent with your spouse can be replaced with thoughts of appreciation for the overall relationship or those aspects of the relationship that are working well right now, or could be working well with a little more focused effort.