Last weekend I lead a couples planning retreat for a C12 Group at a spectacular bed and breakfast in the Smoky Mountains called The Swag.

It’s a worthy destination if you are considering your own getaway.

Over the weekend, in addition to our planning drills, I emphasized the positive impact of a healthy mindset on your married life. In this post, I’m going to share some of my notes from this special weekend.

At every single moment, you are either thinking yourself into or out of an exceptional marriage. You are constantly redefining and reinventing your relationship with every thought that races through your mind.

Every thought you think about your spouse either moves you toward your ideal relationship or it moves you away. No thoughts are neutral. Every thought counts. 

Unfortunately, about 90 percent of the thoughts you have today are repeats from yesterday and the day before, and the day before that.

If you’ve participated in The 40 Day Joy Challenge, you already know the primary reason why effecting permanent, positive improvement in your marriage tends to be such an uphill challenge.

The human mind loves the status quo and, if not trained otherwise, will feed you a constant repetition of old ideas.

And those old thoughts, like an automatic pilot, will keep steering your marriage in the same direction it has always gone.

Often, individuals are teased when they change their mind about something important. (Apparently, blind consistency is an important value for many people)

This is a ridiculous notion because only when you change your mind is anything meaningful going to permanently change. If something isn’t working, change your mind.

If you’re not satisfied with your marriage, change your mind about the issues you’re troubled with. Look at your spouse differently.

Ask productive questions. Give what you desire to receive. Strengthen yourself emotionally.

Dwell on different things. Practice 4:8 thinking. If you want to improve your marriage, change your mind. It’s certainly easier than changing your spouse!

What do you think about your spouse…most of the time?

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