Right Relationships
Every relationship we have, for the rest of our lives, will be doing one of two things–lifting us up or pulling us down. Are we being sharpened by the right people? Do the people we spend most of our time with amplify the joy in our lives?
As Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 15:33, “Don’t be fooled…, ‘bad company corrupts good character’” (NLT). The individuals we habitually choose to associate with will influence who we become as a person more than any other single factor. We will inevitable take on the habits, attitudes, beliefs, and even the mannerisms of the people we surround ourselves with.
If we hang around people who have no real vision or who limit God with their own caustic attitudes, we will eventually become just like them. Negative people poison our outlook, exhaust our energy, and chip away at our potential for joy. If we associate on a regular basis with people who whine, gossip, condemn, and commiserate, then the inescapable fact is that sooner or later we will resemble them.
It’s highly unlikely that we will even notice this evolution because changes in character happen so gradually. People do not punch, kick, and drag us off course; if that were the case, we would fight back and protect ourselves. Rather, they nudge us just a little bit, then a little bit more, then a hair more, until we finally fall under their complete influence. When people with different values hang out together, somebody ultimately changes.
We must make the shift to investing time with the right people–individuals who lift us up and produce a godly return in our lives. How exactly do we determine which people are the right ones to invite into our inner circle? I suggest to invest more time with people who look like this:
- Their character and integrity are equal to or greater than our own.
- They share our faith, or even better, they are further along in their relationship with God.
- Their lives demonstrate the joy-filled fruit of their faith.
- We would like our children to grow up and be similar to them.
- They hold us accountable and ask us the tough questions that are avoided by the majority.
- The draw the best out of us and remind us that God is doing exciting things through us.
- They are sincerely committed to being positively sharpened by their exposure to us!
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Intermediate Goals
The goals you set should cause you to stretch, grow and get out of your comfort zone. However, make sure your goals have some degree of believability. This way, your subconscious mind will buy into them.
For example, imagine you’ve been thirty pounds overweight for most of your adult life. Even though you’ve worked really hard to lose the excess fat, it just hasn’t happened yet. Now think about being in your car at a traffic light when an extremely fit jogger passes by. Would seeing that super lean and fit athlete motivate you to increase your exercise routine and drastically improve your diet? Most likely it would not. Why is this?
The gap between where you are now (overweight and out of shape) and where you want to go (becoming lean, strong, and fit) is beyond your mind’s believability. Your mind just would not accept the idea that you could be trim and healthy because it has no recent or consistent prior experiences or beliefs on which to base such an idea.
This does not mean there’s no hope for you! Rather, it means that you need to set some intermediate goals that will act as stepping stones to gradually raise your beliefs and self-concept to that of someone who is in great physical condition. You could first set a goal to drop one belt notch or dress size, and then set another goal to lose ten pounds. Step by step, you could be as lean and healthy as you desire!
The point is to get your mind working with you, not against you. Set goals that push the envelope, that are just slightly outside what you currently believe about yourself. Then make and take the intermediate steps that will in turn motivate you to reach your goals. Your confidence will grow and your belief in yourself will be strengthened.
Establishing Ground Rules
We must become more intentional with our inputs–the things we allow into our lives. Toward that end, I want to share five simple principles that are true about ourselves and the environment in which we place ourselves.
–We are heavily influenced by our physical surroundings, especially the things we read, watch, and listen to, as well as the words and images that consistently capture our attention.
–We will gradually take on the habits, attitudes, convictions, worldview, and sometimes even the body language and mannerisms of the people we habitually spend time with.
–When we invest time with the right people, we are protected from spending time with the wrong people. When we say yes to the right inputs, we are by default saying no to the wrong inputs.
–All inputs contribute to who we become. Nothing is neutral. Every exposure either overtly or discreetly influences our personality, character, and the choices we make during the day, even though we are consciously unaware of most of them.
–Over time, we will draw into our life the conditions, events, people, and possibilities that correspond with our thinking. Our visible life on the outside is a mirror- image reflection of our invisible thought life, most of which has been shaped by our consistent inputs.
With these principles in mind, establish ground rules for what you will allow into your heart and mind. Become intentional in this area. This will help you decide in advance what you are going to fill your life with on an ongoing basis.
If we don’t make this decision ahead of time, it is very easy to be swept along by cultural mores and conformed to what is current, trendy, and convenient, rather than being transformed by the renewing of our mind.
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